I Matter

June 12, 2021

My family, all of them, desperately need to learn this for the good of the next generation.

I’m lost to them. My grandpa said not going after my uncle Paul was his biggest mistake. Letting Paul slip away from the family without lifting a finger haunted him on his deathbed.

I didn’t register for him, his eldest male grandchild or anyone else who says they love me in that family. No one cares that I’m gone.

No one sees it that way. The way it is. Which proves my point .

I’m a total free agent. That’s fine with me. All it changes is their ability to pretend they did anything to help me. They didn’t, it’s ok, I just don’t think they should be able to lie anymore.

They abandoned me when I needed them for 40 years and then told me it was my fault. I didn’t do that. They did.

All the men related to me by blood should be embarrassed. They left my mother to turn me into a man and then blamed me when she couldn’t.

That was an impossibility. She couldn’t take care of herself much less be a mother and a father to us. She shouldn’t have even had to try. We have a huge family. Where were they?

It’s absurd. Sorry I took me so long.

If you have to climb a mountain it’s better to be alone than surrounded by people claiming to be helping, telling you that for decades, but really just pulling you back down every time you try to climb to keep someone else comfortable. They sacrificed me for my mom and then blamed me for it.

All while doing less than nothing for me I’m reality. Hurting me. Repeatedly.

No parenting is 100% better than bad parenting. It’s not even close .

Love is what happens or doesn’t happen when shit falls apart not when we go for ice cream.