Moderately Deep and Hopefully Brief Thoughts Volume 1

It's an odd feeling. I welcome and crave positive reinforcement. Its a huge part of healing. But I can't help but feel a little misunderstood. All the stuff I'm processing and have processed is really awful. The acknowledgement, acceptance and understanding of the abuse and the ways its stunted me and my life is so fucking heavy sometimes I feel like I can't move. But consider that this is the process of letting that go. Imagine what it was like for me at 9 or 17 or 26 or 38 when I didn't even know what was making my life unbearable. When I thought it was all my fault. I have lived through it and made it out the other side stronger and better than I've ever been. So I'm happy to be feeling all this stuff in the service of letting it go. Be thankful if you've never had to deal with something like this. What I'm going right now is the bloodletting. I am moving through this pain and confusion with clarity and sense of purpose. It's a reason to feel joy, not pity or sadness or whatever else judgements go through peoples heads. I see it. And I reject it. This is about pure love.