Moderately Full of Shit

America is fucking exhausting. White people are fucking exhausting. It didn't have to be this way. At any time in this country's history we could have looked at our past, seen the obvious gaping wounds and had the courage to live up to our aspirations. We have chosen not to. Every second of every minute or every hour of every day of every month of every year America has existed we could have lived up to the Constitution. We didn't want to. And fuck you for asking. It's why I really just can't take white people right now. It's great to see so many of us waking up, but it's a little late. I want to say I'm nothing but proud that people are finally seeing the light. I just can't. It's 2020. Black people are still fighting for their freedom in our streets despite fighting for ours in every war this county has ever fought. The abuser doesn't get credit for stopping the beatings. That's the bare minimum. Really, I'm trying to be nice and understanding but literally everything we do is wrong and it shouldn't be this fucking hard.

Let's go right at the big one. Racism. We are all racist. I tried saying this and some idiot's head exploded. Look, I don't like it either. It fucking sucks. But it sucks worse for black people. It's about our evolutionary and subconscious fear of the other and systemic racism. Saying the n word or not is an infantile understanding of the issue. You think it's uncomfortable to admit to yourself and even more uncomfortable to admit to anyone else? Yeah, it is. But imagine it was directed at you and everyone else spent your entire life pretending aggressively that it doesn't exist and not only are you crazy but you should thank us for letting you live. Imagine you are forced to gaslight yourself just to survive. Now ask yourself, why the fuck is it 2020 and you've never bothered to believe black people before? I see all these racists, i mean reformed racists, wanting credit for finally seeing the light. Hell no. You don't get credit for being a lifetime late to the equality party. A person would have either had to actively shield themselves from racial issues or been actively racist to make it this far denying black people the right to define their own experience. Because collectively that what we've done. Black Panthers aren't about black liberation, they are violent. Like violence isn't their god given right as an oppressed people. Colin Kapernick was talking about police violence. White America told him it was about he flag and cancelled him. And we all just let it happen. So spare me the kneeling and show me when the camera's are off and you don't have a clever sign to get a selfie with that you are committed to revolution. That's what this is. And you are either all the way down or you are an enemy. White supremacy has been clear in it's response. We have to do whatever is necessary to help our black brothers and sisters take what this country has stolen from them. It will not be given freely. It will be guarded with fences and armed thugs with badges and tear gas. They speak one language and if they force us to speak it, we must not hesitate. The only value our whiteness has right now is as a literal shield for our black brothers and sisters. Well that and money. Make it rain on the cause. We owe them everything we have.

I'm not really sure what to make of moderates and these republicans trying to thread needles that can't be threaded. There is no space for moderation. Whats the middle ground to what the cops are doing? Submission? Bootlicking a few "good ones"? I'm seriously asking you to consider what is the response to a government killing and violently repressing it's citizens? The militia movement and the second amendment exist supposedly to protect us against tyranny. So we know what they would do. But somehow only the right gets to use violence. This has to change. Law enforcement either reforms immediately and fires partisans and racists or they are illegitimate. This is non-negotiable. There is no middle ground. There is no room in anti-racism for moderation. To be fair, I've never liked the centrist position. It's boring as fuck. But now it's completely indefensible. There is the right side and the wrong side and the choice is clear.

I see all this "i'm hear to listen" nonsense from well meaning moderates and I get angry. Listening is great, if you have someone to listen. It is also passive. It seems to convenient. It places the burden on the ones we seek to ally with and empower. That's not how it works. Why haven't you all been listening before? What information is there today that there hasn't been for the past 50 years? It's not up to our black brothers and sisters to properly educate you. They are most likely exhausted from a lifetime of you not listening and only seeing race as it relates to white people. It is up to you to educate yourself without forcing them to retraumatize theirselves. To share their pain with you. We have not earned that. If someone does this for you, recognize what a gift their vulnerability is and fucking do something with it. Our number one task is to provided a space for their ANGER to be released from their bodies. Anger must be moved through to be let go. 400 years of repressed anger will not be processed without some unrest. It is up to us to understand that what we are seeing is a long time coming. We do not get to judge those expressions. We get to validate and acknowledge the reality of the black community's pain and anger. What has happened in this country, despite the gaslighting of history, is a legacy of profound trauma. We have to help heal those wounds. We have to work to do that. The best antidote to trauma is unconditional love and doing everything we can to provide safety. For the black community that means demanding radical and profound rethinking of the entire criminal justice system. Not just policing. Jailing, charging, and punishing as well. We need to decriminalize poverty and provide a safety net for the vulnerable. All of this needs to happen quickly. It will need to be done at the state and city level. The federal government is our enemy until further notice.

We need to expect more of ourselves. So much of the dialog I see coming from the white community is terrified of being impolite to their friends and family members who are racist. That needs to end. They need to be made to feel the reality of their bullshit beliefs. Make the uncomfortable. Try to teach if possible but don't hesitate to kick racists our of your life. Even "not racists". Anti-racist is the only way. Our discomfort has kept our brothers and sisters in a state of oppression for far too long. Every decision we make until this is addressed that can be seen through a racial prism should be seen through a racial prism. Welcome to the black experience. We have manufactured a world that is hostile to our brothers and sisters. Forced them to live in a perpetual mask and constant state of awareness that they can killed at any time for nothing. Your discomfort. My discomfort. They are meaningless. All growth is about accepting discomfort as it's price. Get used to it. Sacrifice your comfort for the love of everything the black community has given the country. Or do it simply because it's the rightest thing you can do right now. Love is easier than hate. Learn to love everyone. Consciously and with intent.

There's a chance for change at the current moment. This is the early stages of the fight and the battle comes in a war for the country's soul. The stakes have never been clearer for us. The choice has never been easier. It will only be possible if we are here for our brothers and sisters en masse. We need to be in the streets until November, I'm afraid. They will not stop and we cannot give up. There is no time for moralizing or placing our addiction to consumerism above the struggle. This is it. This is our job right now. Black liberation. Choose to be on the right side of history all the way. We need everyone to understand the stakes and act accordingly. This struggle may be new to you. You may have moved into a higher state of understanding, but understand this. This is not new. You are sitting down in the 7th inning. It's up to you to catch up and do your part.