Quiet, you!

The amount of needless energy my restless and disobedient mind is spending creating reasons not to go and manufacturing issues with the teacher or the price or how cold it is (not very and it’s literally a half block) is astonishing. This illumination is worth the price of admission alone.

New relationships of any kind to me are manifested subconsciously as threats and then my conditioning manufactures reasons to mitigate the threat by creating tension between me and whatever new behavior I’m trying to try. To convince me it’s better to stay home because it’s safer. That’s what my mind is doing. So the trick is to call it out and tell it to stop. I understand why I’m thinking this and I understand it’s unnecessary and there is no actual threat.

Now imagine that sort of negotiation with yourself every time you leave the house for any reason. It’s fucking exhausting.

I’m sure that sounds weird to most people but it’s actually a pretty advanced explanation as to how trauma works in real time in our day to day existence to prevent us from living a full life. You’re welcome.

It’s amazing what we find when we slow down and actually examine our uninvited thoughts and inner monologue. Our thoughts are not our self. That voice is all conditioned behavior. None of what’s happening in my mind is worth even a seconds consideration.

Tell it to shut up or just breathe. It was trained to behave like this and it can be trained to behave differently. It simply takes intent, focus and discipline.